You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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