And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
