So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
