Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
