She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
My ass is underappreciated
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
