Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
