Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
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