my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
