No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
