I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?