my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
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He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
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