You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
