we're blogging at a bar
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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