can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Randomize
