To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
