Buhtt sex?
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
