It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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