Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
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