Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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