just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
