i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
