She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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