The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
