Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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