im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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