is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
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