I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
