THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
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if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
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I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.