Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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