I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
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