Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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