I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Randomize
