When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
