Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
