the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
