Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
