I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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