Are we in a gay sports bar?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
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a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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