she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
