Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
