he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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