I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
