I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
