Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
