Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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