I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
