we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
He better not be in your backpack
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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