So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
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ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
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Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
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