I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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