there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Randomize
