ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
