I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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