He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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