you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
