She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
