And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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