Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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