based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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