He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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