You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I want you more than these girls want KFC
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
