my room smells like sperm. sweet.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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