We're facebook friends in real life
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
