2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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