i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
