I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
