So drunk its hurt
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
