I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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