i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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