lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
