I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
So much Jack, so little girl.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
