Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
