Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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