he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
