I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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