it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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