i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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