the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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